Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
