There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
