So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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