When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
