hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
