i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
