I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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