i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
