she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
