i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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