I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
