So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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