OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
