Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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