i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I love you. Go after that dick
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