Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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