It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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