Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
