His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
