So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
