Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
