My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
