Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
