i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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