We named our party play list daddy issues
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
