hotel room ftw
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
