He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
