So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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