the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
