Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
