One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
