Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
