Do you still have your period?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
