He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And then he peed in my hair
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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