no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
