I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
