White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
