I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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