If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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