Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
