if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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