I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
