1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
