Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She needs sedatives and a leash
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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