Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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