i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
