The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
