i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
