some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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