He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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