Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
